Are you a people pleaser? Do you want everyone to be happy, so you sacrifice what you want so that others will accept you? Do you later resent it? Do you always say 'yes' when you really want to say 'no' but don't know how without the fear that others will be mad at you?
We've all done it at some point in our lives, mostly out of fear. Fear that they won't love you or like you. Fear of not being accepted. Fear of losing them as friend or mate. Fear of not being good enough or worthy enough.
It's never fun to live in the fear of 'what if’. Saying 'no' is one of the hardest things to do because we don’t know what the outcome will be. "How will they react?" "They might leave me!" "They'll hate me!" "They'll be mad at me." or they might say “They will respect me!” “They will love me more for it.”
It is okay to say ‘no, that doesn’t work for me’. It is okay to put up boundaries.
It’s important to understand yourself and what makes you feel safe. Whether it is physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. If you start to feel uncomfortable or resentful towards someone, they’ve crossed your boundaries. Remember tho, you allowed them to.
By not making it clear to them where you stand, what you will accept and what you won’t. What you can live with and what you can’t.
How do you know if your boundaries are being crossed?
· When you start to feel unsure of yourself
· You feel fear, resentment, or anger
· You may start to question your sense of self-worth
· Feeling that your always do something wrong
· That you just don’t seem to make others happy no matter what you do
There are other areas, such as:
· When someone touches you without permission.
· They talk over you all the time,
· They bully you until you do what they want.
Someone who crosses your mental and emotional boundary may include:
· Using you insecurities against you
· Betraying your confidence and using it against you
· Cheating on you
· Criticizing, putting you down all the time such as your beliefs and values,
· Judging how you look or dress
· Manipulating you
· Making fun of you
· Everything is your fault
· Making demands of your time and energy
· Shaming or embarrassing you in front of other people
· Making you feel as if you or your opinions don’t matter
· Lack of respect
Abuse of any kind is a boundary violation. But we will put up with a lot from other people due mostly because of our own insecurity. Our own self- doubts, our own lack of self-worth. Fear.
Spiritual boundaries are just as important to prevent psychic attacks from others who would want to control and manipulate you.
The #1 reason to have healthy boundaries?
Yep, that’s it! Self-Love or love of self.
I often ask myself, ‘Do you love yourself enough to continue to allow this?” Whatever the situation may be or who it may be with. “Is this situation going making me doubt my self- worth? Has the way this person spoke to me in that particular tone caused me to feel I wasn’t good enough?
The more healthy boundaries you have the better your relationships will be, the more people will respect you and your opinion. The more they are willing to see you as someone to look up to and admire because they want that for themselves.
Creating personal healthy boundaries allows you to love yourself more. Allows you build more self-confidence, more self-respect and in turn more happiness and helps to releases a victim mentality.
I’m not saying it’s easy. At first it may be very scary. Yes, people will be mad at you when you start putting up your boundaries because you will change and people don’t like change, but it won’t last. They will either, get over it and respect you more or they may leave your life to find some else they can control or manipulate.
How do you create boundaries?
I like to say, “I no longer allow___________” and fill in the blank. My other favorite saying is: “I am impervious to__________”. Also just a simple ‘no’ can be enough.
Will other people attempt to test you? Yes, at first. It’s as if the Universe is saying: ”do you really mean it”.
Start with baby steps. When someone wants to step in front of you in a line, instead of just allowing it to happen, speak up.
Take your power back! Be strong! Be brave enough to love yourself enough to create those healthy boundaries!